I’ve spent a lot of time with my family the last couple of weeks. My wife, 3 daughters and I traveled across the country to my old stomping ground in Southern California. We spent a lot of time showing the kids where mom & dad met, our old apartments, our first house, my alma mater UCLA—and lots of our family and friends out there that we rarely get to see any more. Certainly not as a family. When I’m there on business I make it a point to see as many of them as I can. All of that combined with the usual sightseeing made for a great time of nostalgia and family bonding. And with our oldest daughter going off to college in the fall, family vacations may never be the same again.
We saw a lot and did a lot, but I saw a lot of things I’m very proud of. I’m not talking about the places, but the people I spent my time with.
As parents, we often wonder if our kids are paying attention to anything—and I mean ANYTHING–we’re trying to teach them. They roll their eyes so much at us you’d think they’re about to fall out of their head. Lessons about manners and decorum seem about as enticing as cough syrup or eating your vegetables. And when they become teenagers!! Oh boy, not only are mom & dad the stupidest (yes, teenagers think that’s a word) people on the planet, it seems to be illegal to show any connection to us when we’re out in public!
But I’m happy to report, I have good news. They’re listening. Yep, they are; I just think they’re not allowed to show it. Some kind of teenage creed. But throughout our travels, on the plane, with our friends and family – they were the kind, polite, warm, articulate young ladies we have committed to help them become. I could not have been more proud of their manners and willingness to listen and engage in conversation. But here’s the best part – they were just as good to mom and dad! Yes, how cool is that??? It was not only our best family vacation ever – it was just a great time! We talked, we laughed and we proudly watched our girls be everything we hoped they’d be.
So what’s the lesson here? First, they are listening – to everything! They pick up pieces of all they get from their parents, good and bad. Give them all the good lessons, stories and most of all, examples, of how you want them to be. Second, don’t stop doing it! Accepting that they are picking up all of it, keep it coming whether you think they get it or not. Don’t think about the results. They’re taking it all in, but they just want the power to decide when to show it. Maybe we saw it on this trip because they wanted to look good in these situations?? Fine, I’ll take it. What parent wouldn’t? Persistence and patience are most important.
Lastly, no matter what happens in your life or their lives, love them. Love them like there’s nothing else that matters to you in the world. Love them like you want to be loved. Love them like you want someone else to love them someday. Love them in a way that shows that you will always be there no matter what happens to them. Absolutely, no matter what!
Here’s what I learned—if you commit to raising them right and never waiver from that; all the while loving them totally and completely, one day they’re going to have this epiphany—“How could someone who loves me that much be teaching me wrong?
What a moment!
How true! I saw first hand how well everyone worked together, even cousins meeting for the FIRST TIME! It was just as magical for us.
It was the same with mine. When they got into their late teens it all came together but until then it seemed unlikely. Now they are ‘besties’ (best friends) and family gatherings are a joy. There are rough patches with most kids but their best eventually comes shining through.